A Love Affair Gone Wrong
by Draikanic Graticun IV
Summary: What happens when two hedgehogs get completely wasted at a party at Club Rouge? THIS story tells the real deal.
1. Congratulations, Mr Ultimate Lifeform!

**Disclaimer: Draiky The Great and Tucker's Mayflower do not own Sonic nor Shadow (WHYYYYY? D:), BUT we do own the...er...Well, you'll see later in this fanfic. We own the story idea and the "special surprises" that come packaged with this story (It weighs a quarter pound! D:). So, without further ado, here's your fanfiction, "A Love Affair Gone Wrong" (Generic Title, LOLZ.)**

**Note: Even IF you are not a Sonadow worshipper, PLEASE, for the love of Cheese, READ THIS ANYWAY:D It's techinically not a Sonadow, since Draiky The Great fears Sonadows (Believe us, she's cowering in the corner right now screaming), while Tucker's Mayflower is happily waving the flag of black and blue. In other words, don't flame us; This is a FALSE Sonadow, not a real one (Sorry for all you Sonadow lovers wanting to see Shadow and Sonic with the whipped cream in the bedroom).**

* * *

The alarm went off for the thirteenth time in Shadow's bedroom. It was quite a surprise the black hedgehog hadn't used his Chaos Blast to destroy the clock at this time. If he did, it would've been a record of five-thousand and thirty-seven alarm clocks that were destroyed this week. One has to question why Rouge had to purchase him new ones, but we're getting beyond the point...The clocks do not involve with the plot whatsoever.

Shadow, however, was not in his bed at the time. He was in the restroom of Rouge's home (where he bummed around because he was too lazy to get his own house), throwing up and clinging to the already-dirty toilet (how it got dirty in less than thirty minutes of Shadow throwing up is beyond reason).

"Thank God Rouge isn't here to see what I did to her toilet..." Shadow groaned before throwing up for the umpteenth time in the past thirty minutes. It wasn't normal for Shadow to be sick (the last time he had gotten sick was because of the tainted food at the party Rouge had in her night-club within the past few days), and with Shadow being the Ultimate Life-Form, he figured if he was immortal, he would not be sick.

But here was the poor little hedgehog throwing up God-knows-what in the toilet. He wondered, _If I don't eat, what the hell am I throwing up?_ The possibilies of what he was throwing up could be endless; vital body fluids, alcohol from that god-damned party, any trace of ammunition...

He remembered seeing Rouge sick before (and it wasn't a pretty sight), and realized that when Rouge was sick, she would go to the hospital in Station Square, and see what was wrong with her. Shadow had pondered the decision of going to the...hospital...he wondered what the hospital was like, since he had never been to one in his very long and immortal life.

Needless to say, no matter what horrors would occur in that god-forsaken hospital, Shadow figured it would be better than staying home, throwing up in Rouge's toilet all blessed day.

In a few attempts to get up off of the floor, Shadow clung to the ring of the toilet as he got up on his feet, popping the toilet lid off of the toilet.

"Damn cheap-ass slut..." Shadow muttered, throwing the lid out the window, the lid landing on an innocent old man's head and killing him.

---

"Mr. Shadow?"

"My last name is not Shadow."

"Mr. Hedgehog?"

"My last name is not Hedgehog."

"Mr. Ultimate Life-Form?"

"Much better."

Yes, Shadow did go to the hospital, the check-up being brutal. And now, Shadow was sitting on the icy-cold table, waiting for the results and finding out what the hell he had gotten.

ENTER SOAP OPERA SCENE.

The doctor came in, along with a nurse, with the results of Shadow's check-up in his hand. Their faces placed horror while Shadow's face placed impatience.

"Well?" Shadow questioned. "How is it? I don't have all day! I have a toilet to clean, a toilet seat to replace, and a dead old man to hide."

Nobody questioned about the 'dead old man to hide' statement. Besides, the results were far, far worse. The results were more horrifying than Eggman with a bad mustache day (he has no hair, so a 'bad hair day' is out of the question for the old fart).

"Well, Mr. Ultimate Life-Form..." The doctor said, in a very low, soap opera-like voice. "You might not like the results..."

"What's the worst thing that it could be?" Shadow asked, knowing death was out of the question (he's immortal, go figure).

The doctor became silent, and the nurse just ran out of the room screaming, informing the other doctors of Shadow's...'condition'.

_HA!_ Shadow thought. _What is it? Cancer? A deadly illness? A rare disease that'll turn me into Eggman?_

"Congratulations, Mr. Ultimate Life-Form; you're pregnant!"

There were a number of things Shadow was expecting. This was **NOT** one of them. So obviously the look Shadow had on his face was a look of a few emotions; confusion, rage, and...well, mostly rage.

"I'm WHAT!?" Shadow retorted. "I'M A MALE, YOU DUMBASS!"

"...The test proves you're pregnant. Our computers are accurate."

"Accurate my ass! How can I be pregnant if I am NOT A GIRL?"

"It's possible in some rare cases...I'm sure you and your partner are very happy..."

"WHAT PARTNER? I HAVE NO PARTNER! I'M A LONER!"

"Well there HAS to be a partner. Nobody can be pregnant without a partner. If you'd like we can have a DNA test for you right now..."

Shadow took out an AK-47 and aimed it at the doctor's face. "DO. IT. NOW!"


	2. The Results Are In!

**((Authoresses' notes: WARNING: Extreme profanity and one very pissy hedgehog ahead. Read at your own risk.))**

* * *

_**"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?!"**_

"Mr. Ultimate Life-Form, PLEASE calm down!"

**"HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO CALM DOWN?!"**

"Deep breaths, Mr. Ultimate Life-Form..."

"DEEP BREATHS, MY ASS!!!"

If you couldn't already tell, Shadow was not at all happy with the results of the paternity test. Yes, the hospital was like a scene taken out of a bad Maury episode.

"PLEASE tell me the computers are fucking inaccurate!!"

"As I mentioned in Chapter 1, Mr. Ultimate Life-Form, our computers are 100 accurate."

Shadow took out the AK-47 (as seen in Chapter 1!) and shoved it in the poor doctor's face. "YOU MOTHER-FAKING FAKER!! THERE'S NO FUCKING WAY IN HELL!!"

"But our computers never lie!" the doctor pleaded, his hands straight up in the air.

As you can probably imagine, all of the other doctors were listening from outside the door to the black hedgehog's screaming and ranting. Just like an episode of Jerry Springer gone horribly, horribly wrong.

"I WANT A RE-TEST AND I WANT IT FUCKING NOW!!"

"But Mr. Ultimate Life-Form, what'd be the point of re-testing if you're just going to get the same exact results?"

"FUCK THE RESULTS!"

"Well, if you and your partner weren't planning on conceiving, you shouldn't have been...'doing things'." the doctor said, using air quotes on 'doing things'.

That was the final straw that broke the hedgehog's back. In all of his spite and rage (and beginning mood-swings), Shadow began to glow a dark crimson red. The doctor, for fear of his life, ran out of the room screaming, in a very high-pitched voice, "RUN FOR YOUR--"

Ka-boom.

**_"SONIC, YOU'RE DEAD!!!!"_** Shadow shouted angrily to the heavens amongst the smoldering ashes of what was the Station Square Medical Center.

----

Meanwhile, somewhere far, far...well, it was more like fifty blocks away, Sonic the Hedgehog was enjoying lunch at his favorite chili-dog shop.

"So you're having 'Free Chili-Dog Day' in a few months?"

"That's right, Sonic! We--" What the rest of that sentence was, we will never know, because at that exact moment, a wave of evil red energy swept by, killing the poor chili-dog vendor in a horrible explosion. Thankfully for Sonic, Chaos Blast only kills everything within a one-mile radius, and he was a mere three and a half centimeters away from being caught in the blast.

"Uh-oh, Shadow's in a bad mood today." the azure hedgehog said with a roll of his eyes, getting ready to pick up his chili-dog and enjoy lunch...Only to be interrupted by a VERY angry ebony hedgehog smashing down on his food. "Hey! My chili-dog! OH, NOES!"

"YOU HAVE A LOT OF EXPLAINING TO DO, FAKER!" Shadow spat, murder written in his eyes, as Sonic mourned the loss of his lunch.

"What explaining?" Sonic asked confusedly.

Shadow snapped out the paternity results (that somehow managed to survive the explosion) and shoved them in the Blue Blur's face. "Read."

As fast as he could run, Sonic quickly scanned over the papers. Once he got to the bottom, however, he started chuckling, much to the Ultimate Life-Form's dismay. "Ah, you're joking, Shad! Nice prank! Ha-ha, VERY funny!"

"Sonic, do I EVER joke? About ANYTHING?" Shadow said all too seriously.

"Nice time to start joking! Sweet prank!"

"Sonic, why would I pick NOW to suddenly grow a sense of humor?"

The Blue Blur stopped laughing. "So...this ISN'T a joke?" Shadow simply shook his head no.

_**"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!"**_

And with that, poor Sonniku passed out.


	3. Mini Ultimate LifeForm In Oven

With a groan, Sonic awoke from his long slumber atop Rouge's couch. Somehow, Sonic was in Club Rouge. Fast as a bullet, Sonic started wondering how in the world he ended up there. Who brought him there? And for what?

"It's about time you got up, faker." Shadow's voice spit venomously from the kitchen area.

"Shad? Is that you? Did you bring me here?" Sonic asked.

"Yeah - three months ago!" Shadow said, entering the living room.

Sonic's mouth DROPPED. Shadow was currently wearing a long shirt that read 'Mini Ultimate Life-Form in Oven', with an arrow pointing at a small bump underneath said shirt.

"Shad, PLEASE say that you have a pillow tied under your shirt!" The Blue Blur pleaded.

Shadow took a long sip of the warm milk he had in his hand before saying, "Like I said three months ago, do I ever joke?" Sonic fell off of the couch, leg twitching in the air. "Oh, you just shut up, faker. Now, there are gonna be some rules you're going to have to abide by."

"Rules? What rules? I may be a good guy, but I don't wanna have to follow your rules!" Sonic said, getting up off of the floor.

"WHO'S THE MOTHER HERE?" Shadow snapped, pointing at the bump. Four words you'll never hear Shadow say in a row.

"Well...uh...But you're not a girl."

"I'M AWARE--Are you saying I'm not good enough for you?" Shadow asked, suddenly going from very angry to on the verge of tears.

Sonic's eye twitched at the sight of Shadow almost crying. 'What in the world happened to Shad? Oh yeah - pregnant people go through mood swings.'

"WHY AREN'T YOU ANSWERING ME?!" the ebony hedgehog sobbed, angrily throwing a pillow at his azure counterpart.

"Okay, fine! You're the mother!" Sonic said, flailing his arms in the air.

Quick as a flash of lightning, Shadow returned to the angst-ridden life-form we all know and love. "Damn straight. Now, about those rules. Rule one - I am to become your main focus for the next six months."

"What?!" Sonic called out.

"Let me finish. Rule 2 - You are to wait on me hand and foot until this stupid kid of ours is born."

"How do you know it's gonna be stupid? It could be a smart little hedgehog like I am!"

"Sonic, if this kid grows up to be like you, I'm going to shoot it."

"But that's child abuse!"

"It's MY kid!"

"It's mine, too!"

"WHO'S CARRYING IT, GOD-DAMMIT?!"

"...You are."

"SO MY WORD IS LAW! And speaking of laws, RULE 3! Whatever I want, I better get if you care about your life! If I want a cherry pie imported from Sweden, you better get your ass over to Sweden and get me a cherry pie!"

"But you don't--"

"SILENCE!" Sonic gave a quiet little 'eep', then allowed Shadow to continue. "Rule 4 - I'm allowed to stay in bed all day if I want."

"But where am I gonna sleep?"

"Well, you have a choice - the couch or the basement."

"But the couch is uncomfortable!" Sonic complained. "And I think there might be some drunk guy from the last party in Rouge's basement!"

"I DON'T CARE! IF YOU THINK IT'S THAT FUCKING BAD, SLEEP IN THE ALLEY!"

"The alley with the rabid pit-bulls?"

"EXACTLY!!"

"Well, fine! I'll just bum out at Tails' house!"

"SONNIKKU, DON'T LEAVE ME ALL ALONE!!" Shadow cried hysterically, clinging to Sonic's side. "I CAN'T DO THIS WITHOUT YOU! DON'T LEAVE!!"

Sonic sighed. "This is gonna be a LONG six months. Okay, Shadow, fine - I'll sleep on the couch."

"YAY!!!" Shadow squealed, giving Sonic both a bone-crushing hug similar to Amy's and a kiss on the cheek. Sonic groaned.


	4. Shaddie's Breakfast in Bed

**((Authoress' Notes:**

**Draiky The Great: Thanks for all of you reviewers...well, reviewing us and giving us praise for this story. We wuv woo all! (inside joke, don't ask.) Anyway, for all wondering on the whole "how did Shadow get preggers?" well, in all honesty...Me and Tucker's Mayflower don't know. But we do think it involves that party at Club Rouge and the overload of alcohol. Oo; Ah well. Brownie points to anyone willing to draw pregnant Shadow in the "Mini Ultimate Lifeform in Oven" shirt:D Also, there is a contest for any user who reviews the most for ALAGW, they will win the AK-47 (as seen in Chapter 1!!) at the end of the story:DD!**

**Tucker's Mayflower: ...Draiky said everything I wanted to say, really. Oo;;))**

"SONIC, WHERE'S MY BREAKFAST?!" This scream came from Shadow the next morning - 5:00am, to be exact. Sonic tiredly rolled off of the couch (where he was being forced to sleep). He hadn't gotten a wink of sleep all night, thanks to Shadow's snoring, complaining, and random death-threats that he rattled off in his sleep.

"What do you want now?" Sonic groaned sleepily.

"I WANT BREAKFAST, FAKER!"

"But you don't--"

"SHUT UP AND COOK!!"

"Why don't you make me?!" That was the WRONG thing to say. Suddenly, a little red laser-dot appeared on Sonic's forehead.

"Faker, you have 5 seconds to get your ass in that kitchen and cook!! FIVE!!"

Sonic, at this point, was wondering two things - what happened to that sad, soft Shadow briefly seen in chapter 3, and why in the world did Shadow have a laser-guided gun in bed with him?

"FOUR!!"

"Well, what do you want?"

"THREE!!!"

"You can't eat three, Shadow! It's a number, not a food object!!"

"TWO!!!"

"Okay, I'm going!!" And with that, the laser disappeared from Sonic's head.

"Thank you, Sonnikku!" Shadow said sweetly from the bedroom. Sonic simply mumbled inappropriate things as he marched into the kitchen and began to cook Shadow a breakfast in bed.

"It's about time, faker! I've been waiting for three mother-faking hours!!" Shadow snapped once Sonic finally came in with his breakfast.

"It's been five minutes, shut up."

"AND WHERE'S YOUR UNIFORM?!" With a snarl, Sonic walked backwards out of the room, then re-entered a few moments later wearing a skimpy French maid outfit, complete with fishnet stockings, black high-heels, and a lace hat.

"Why do I have to wear this?" Sonic asked.

"It amuses me." Shadow replied with a smirk.

Sonic stumbled over to the bed (having diffuculty walking in the high-heels) and dropped the food onto Shadow's lap. "Here, _Your Highness._"

"Sonic, you're hurting the baby doing that!!" Shadow exclaimed, scooting away from the food and clutching his stomach protectively.

"It's inside you. It's not going to hurt it by dropping food on your stomach."

"WHO'S THE MOTHER HERE?!"

Sonic sighed before responding with, "You are."

"Damn straight!" Shadow said, tossing the tray of food back at Sonic. "Now GENTLY place it on my lap!"

Sonic did, then Shadow looked down at the food placed before him. "This isn't what I wanted."

"Well, you didn't say what you wanted, and I couldn't cook three, so..."

"Oh, so you don't care about me enough to know what I want for breakfast without me having to tell you every single thing! Is that it?!" Shadow cried, on the verge of tears.

"Okay, fine! Don't cry!" Sonic yelped, grabbing the food away from Shadow. "Fine, just tell me what you want!"

"Bacon and sausage!"

"But I don't know how to cook--"

"DO IT!!!" Shadow yelled, pulling out his beloved AK-47 and shoving it right in Sonic's scared little face.

"Okay, I'll try!!" Sonic exclaimed, hands straight up in fear, before zipping out of the room to fix Shadow ANOTHER breakfast.

"Thank you, Sonikku!"


	5. Chaos Emeralds and Singing Doctors

A bit later in the day, Shadow's pregnant ass was still in bed, now playing Katamari Damacy on Rouge's PS2. Yes, Sonic had to move Rouge's TV and PS2 into the bedroom so Shadow wouldn't have to get up to play it.

"GO! GO! TURN AROUND, TURN AROUND!!" Shadow screamed, spinning the joystick like the mad hedgehog he was.

"Game Over."

"WHAT?!" Shadow yelled, hacking his controller at the TV, causing the TV to go "boom". "Damn piece of crap...SONIC!"

No answer.

"SONIC!"

Still no answer.

_**"SONIC T. HEDGEHOG, GET YOUR BLUE ASS IN HERE!!!"**_

Finally, it occured to the black hedgehog that the Blue Blur had abandoned him...

"That FAKER!!" he exclaimed, pulling out his cell-phone and dialing Sonic's number. "I'm going to give that blue ass a piece of my mind!"

---

Meanwhile, at the newly-rebuilt chili-dog place (Seeing as the old one was destroyed in Chapter two by the very pissy hedgehog), Sonic FINALLY had 'time to himself'...Or so he seemed.

"So, where have you been lately, Sonic?" Sonic's fox companion, Tails, asked.

"Oh, you know..." Sonic answered. "Just...around?"

"Ah," Tails replied.

Suddenly, Sonic's cell-phone started to ring. Sonic, knowing who it was, tried to ignore it, but the ringtone was too annoying to ignore (his ringtone was a polyphonic theme song of Sonic X).

After fifteen seconds, Sonic answered the phone, with a very scared "H-H-H-Hello?"

**_"SONIC!!"_** Was the scream from the other end. Sonic pulled his cell-phone away from his ear from the ear-piercing yell.

"Is that Shadow?" Tails asked. "Tell him I said 'Hi'!"

"Tails says-"

"I DON'T GIVE A HELL WHAT TAILS SAYS! I WANT YOUR ASS RIGHT HERE NOW!!"

"Wait a minute..." Tails implied. "One, since when does Shadow have your cell-phone number, and two, what would Shadow want with you, anyway?"

"...It's a very long and complicated story." Sonic answered before hearing,

"SO YOU'RE WITH TAILS NOW, AREN'T YOU?! OH SURE, GO WITH HIM AND LEAVE ME AND **_YOUR LOVECHILD_** ALONE!!"

When that was said, there was a VERY awkward silence in the chili-dog shop, and all eyes were looking in Sonic's direction.

"OH MY GOD, SHADOW'S PREGNANT!?" Tails exclaimed. With that, the WHOLE chili-dog shop burst out in laughter at poor, poor Sonniku.

"Just kill me now..." Sonic mumbled. "Uh...Ihavetogonowbye!"

The Blue Blur ran as fast as he could out of the chili-dog shop, thinking twice before considering hiding in the alley with the rabid pit-bulls.

-----

"What do you want NOW, Shadow?"

"Uh...I forgot."

"YOU PUBLICLY EMBARASSED ME FOR NOTHING!?"

"Well, come to think of it...I'm kind of hungry..."

"BUT YOU DON'T EAT!"

"Hey, blame the horrendous lovechild MAKING me hungry, FAKER!" Shadow snapped. "Now, what am I up for..."

Sonic tapped his foot impatiently. If it was chili-dogs, the ebony hedgehog was obviously out of luck.

"Ah, yes! Chaos Emeralds!" Shadow pipped.

"WHAT?" Sonic exclaimed. "THEY'RE NOT A FOOD OBJECT!! And aren't you ALWAYS craving them in some way, shape, or form?"

"Oh blah, blah, blah, your needs..." Shadow said. "Remember Rule Three?"

"All I remember from that was something about a pie from Sweden..."

"Sonic, you're more of a faker than I thought. NOW GO GET ME MY CHAOS EMERALD! The green one, in particular..."

"Didn't you already HAVE a Chaos Emerald? You blew up the hospital, the old chili-dog place, AND killed the chili-dog vendor back in Chapter two..."

"I lost it during your three-month coma." Shadow answered, then added with a sniffle, "I can't be blamed for everything, you know..."

With a sigh, Sonic replied, "Well, where did you lose the Chaos Emerald at?"

"Last time I remember," Shadow answered. "At The Doctor's Place."

"EGGMAN'S BASE!? YOU EXPECT ME TO GO TO EGGMAN'S BASE JUST TO GET YOU A CHAOS EMERALD!? SCREW THAT!"

And with that, Shadow burst into tears.

"YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE, DO YOU?"

Even though Sonic never did love Shadow in that matter, he couldn't stand seeing people cry, even if it was Shadow. "Fine, Fine. I'll get your Chaos Emerald..."

"YAY!" Shadow exclaimed, grabbing Sonic and giving another one of those hugs that Amy would never be able to top.

"Life. Sucks." Sonic moaned.

----

"Okay, now where is that Chaos Emerald..."

Sonic was now in Eggman's Base, looking for the Choas Emerald that Shadow was oh-so craving for. He checked everywhere; The laboratory, the other laboratory, the secret laboratory...

"Geez, how many laboratories does this guy have!?" Sonic complained.

There was only one room left in the base...The bathroom.

"Please let Shadow be lying about the Chaos Emerald being HERE..." Sonic prayed, putting his hand on the doorknob.

"I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and GAY!" was heard outside the door, coming from a very terrible voice that should not be singing in the first place.

"Oh for the love of Sonic X, no..." Sonic pleaded. At this point, Sonic considered turning around, but he remembered what he would have to go back to if he didn't get that blasted Chaos Emerald.

With a squeak, Sonic opened the door, eyes shut tight. Behind the shower curtain, you could see the shadow of a very large egg-shaped man with giant facial hair.

One of Sonic's eyes opened slightly as he walked in. The main thought in Sonic's mind was to get the Chaos Emerald out of the room without seeing his foe naked. But where to look was the key.

The first place Sonic figured the Chaos Emerald would be would be under Eggman's clothes. Stupid idea number one.

Sonic, being the 3'7" hedgehog he was, looked at the large pile of clothes over near the bathtub. With a shudder, Sonic walked over to the clothes and attemped to pick up the large black pants.

"My God, these pants are like the size of Texas!" Sonic said to himself as he tried to lift the pants up, only to be buried under them instead. "AGH! THE PANTS ARE REVOLTING!"

"What was that noise?" The figure behind the shower curtain shouted. "It's ruining my solo!" But instead of getting out of the shower to look for any inturders, he resumed back to singing a solo to Britney Spears' "Oops, I Did It Again."

Sonic at this moment was mentally scarred yet again in his life for hearing his foe sing nineties pop music. But this atrocious voice was not going to stop our Blue Blunder from getting the Chaos Emerald for his Shadowkun. After five attempts to wriggle out from under the clothes, he tried to look in other places. It wasn't in the sink, the medicine cabinet was to high from Sonic's reach, the last place Sonic was going to look was the laundry basket in the corner...

_Oh God, PLEASE don't tell me it's in the shower..._ Sonic thought to himself before another disturbing thought came to his little ego-filled brain. _If it's not in the shower...Then it must be..._

"...In the toilet." Sonic gulped. Oh, the horror...If there was a way for music to be played for this event, the "Jaws" theme would most likely be playing while Sonic looked at the toilet in fear.

Cringing as he went, the Blue Blur quietly tiptoed to the toilet, mumbling many undefined things (Though he could have been mumbling about how the Doc would NEVER make a singing career) under his breath. Finally reaching his destination, he slowly opened up the lid.

"You had better be right about this one, Shadow, or else-"

Suddenly, the sound of a curtain being pulled filled Sonic's ears. Dare he turn around?

Slowly Sonic's head automatically turned around. Why? We have no answer.

"Well, well, well-" boasted a wet (and naked) Dr. Eggman. "If it isn't Sonic-SONIC!? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY BATHROOM!?"

After Eggman's question, Sonic bolted out of the bathroom, Chaos Emerald in tow, screaming like a little girly-girl.

Dr. Eggman's face turned from curiosity to perplexing. "Was I just seeing things? Oh well!"

And with that, the egg-shaped man began to sing a horrible rendition of the song "Milkshake."


	6. The Pregnancy Clinic: Part One

_((Authoress' Notes:_

_Draiky The Great: I KNOW I'VE BEEN A TERRIBLE PROCRASTINATIONER. TT This story will be done this week (yes, I'm giving myself a deadline. IT'S A MIRACLE FROM THE SONADOW GODS!), and I SWEAR TO IT. I finally decided "Let's pull this baby up and WORK ON THIS DAMN THING ONCE AND FOR ALL!!" So now I'm going to give all of you ALAGW fans your deserved chapters. Hopefully by the end of the day today I will have finished 3 chapters and have them all up before today is over, and then work on one or two chapters afterwards until this week is over. :3_

_Oh, and do give me late birthday wishes, because I turned THE DREADED SIXTEEN last Thursday. XD! So maybe 16-year old Draiky IS less of a procrastinator. x3_

_Tucker's Mayflower: -tape recording- This is a tape recording. I love Tucker. I love Tucker. I love Tucker. I lo - catastrophic explosion))_

* * *

Needless to say, our heroic azure hedgehog wasn't as "on top of the world" as he would be today. Nightmares still of his foe naked in the shower singing nineties pop music danced in his head like little cold, shriveled up, black sugar plums, and that incident was a long time ago...about three months ago, to be exact. And with Shadow on the side barking orders at him and making him be his personal monkey slave all the time, there really was no escaping the insanity. Poor Sonniku thought his life was about to come to an end. My, have the tables turned.

Shadow, on the other hand, was actually excited about today (or at least that's what he was on his mood-swing at that point). Everything to him now felt like nothing but happy flowers and sugary gumdrops. Not a care in the world, the black hedgehog skipped merrily down the concrete pavement, ignoring all of the looks he was given by many a citizen.

"Hurry, hurry, Sonniku!" Shadow said in a sing-songy voice, still skipping merrily. "We don't want to be late! Quit being such a slow-poke, Sonniku!"

Sonic was about three or so feet away from his black counterpart. "We're three hours early, Shadow! We can't possibly be late!"

Shadow stopped the happy, perky skipping and turned around, shooting a venomous glare to the poor sap.

"I. SAID. HURRY. UP." Shadow boomed with a voice completely different to his previous matter. His voice could have easily been mistaken for Jigsaw with a second puberty phase.

Sonic gave a small squeak and ran right next to Shadow. "Uh, yeah, we can't be late! Oh, no sir-ee! Nuh-uh, not in a million years!"

That suddenly made Shadow's tone change from demonic to happy and perky once again. "LET'S SKIP, SONNIKU!" The black hedgehog grabbed Sonic's arm and held it very tightly.

"...Why me?" Sonic said with a sigh, trying to ignore the fact that he was skipping and that the bones in his arm were being crushed.

Today was going to be a long day...

* * *

Sonic recently decided that since he and Shadow didn't know a damn thing about pregnancy, a trip to a clinic might be the best solution to learn about what exactly was going on. So, he signed up himself and Shadow to a clinic that wasn't too far away...Just a run (or skip, in Mama Shadow's case) down two blocks and there they were.

So there Sonic and Shadow were in the clinic, Shadow sitting in Sonic's lap.

"Shadow...?" Sonic said, sounding as if he were being crushed.

"Yes, Sonniku?" Shadow said, turning around and seeing Sonic, having this very creepy smile on his face.

"You're crushing my spleen..."

"Oh, goody! I love whenever a spleen gets crushed!" Shadow said excitedly, clapping his hands and putting his ear to where Sonic's spleen was located. "They make this really entertaining squishy noise and then break in half! That's the best part!"

"The squishy noise or the breaking in half part?" Sonic asked, sounding even more in pain.

"Both!" Shadow said with a "squee" as he could hear Sonic's spleen slowly but surely make the squishy noises. "See? It went squish!"

Sonic prayed that hopefully the instructor would come before his spleen would break in half. Thankfully, the instructor came in right at Sonic's prayer.

"Sorry about the long wait." The instructor stated. "There was a cat stuck in a tree and-"

Shadow's interest in Sonic's broken spleen vanished from the sound of the instructor, and he returned back to his normal, angsty self. "About damn TIME you arrived!" He crossed his arms and set them on top of his stomach. "Now just what the fuck are we learning here, anyway?"

"Eager, aren't we, Mrs..." The instructor said looking at her attendance sheet she had with her. "Mrs. Hedgehog!"

Shadow gave Sonic a glare that screamed 'you're so dead for putting that'. Sonic gulped and nervously gave Shadow a reassuring smile.

"Well, I'm glad you asked. Today's lesson is a very good lesson for fathers; we call it 'The Pregnant Woman is...' The lesson will be split up into three parts; The Pregnant Woman Is Always Right, The Pregnant Woman Is Always Pretty, and The Pregnant Woman Is Always Hungry (No offense, ladies)."

Shadow had to raise his hand.

"Yes, Mrs. Hedgehog?" The instructor said as she saw Shadow's hand up in the air.

"Since I'm not a woman, couldn't we just have 'The Pregnant _Ultimate Life-Form_ instead?"

Sonic slapped his hand to his face and groaned. _'Oh, for the love of God...'_

"Why, of course we can, Mrs. Hedgehog!" The instructor answered. "That makes more sense, anyways! Now let's get this lesson started, shall we?"

* * *

"Fathers, I know it's hard for your small male minds to understand that we women need a lot of things when we're expecting. One of which is the fact that we think we're right about everything and do not take no for an answer. For this lesson, I am giving you some scripts for you to go by that say things that you should say to the expecting mother-to-be. Don't throw these out, though, they'll be used in the other lessons in this lesson. Now, I need some volunteers."

Shadow raised his hand.

"Shadow, what the hell are you doing!?" Sonic whispered quietly in his ear.

"Volunteering." Shadow said cutely with a smile.

"I don't want to volunteer!" Sonic replied.

"You're going to and you're going to like it, FAKER!" Shadow snapped, taking out his AK-47 and aiming it at Sonic's head.

Sonic raised his hands up in the air. "Okay, okay, I'll do it!"

"Great, Mr. and Mrs. Hedgehog! So glad you two can volunteer!" The instructor said, completely ignoring the fact Shadow brought a destructive weapon to a public facility and using it as a threat.

"Come on, Sonniku!" Shadow said happily, hopping off Sonic's lap and bouncing to the front of the clinic, Sonic in tow.

"Okay, Mr. Hedgehog, I need you to stand right here..." The instructor said, placing Sonic a little near Shadow. "And Shadow, you're fine where you are. Now, I'd like you, Mrs. Hedgehog, to tell me something that you think you're right about."

This request took some time to complete, as Shadow knew he was right about EVERYTHING. The ebony hedgehog took a few seconds to collect his thoughts before saying loudly and proudly to the clinic,

"SONIC LOVES ME!"

Sonic's mouth dropped. That wasn't true about him at all! "That's not true!"

"Ah, ah, ah..." The instructor said. "Read the script. Page forty-two."

Sonic flipped pages upon pages until he was on the desired page. "But [insert significant other's name here, I am not [insert significant other's testimony here. I am [insert your unimportant contradictory opinion here." Little did Sonic know, he didn't have to read it directly from the script.

"Yes you do, Faker!" Shadow replied. "If you didn't, why would I be carrying your child?!"

"But [insert significant other's name here, I-"

"SO YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE?" Shadow replied before Sonic could finish his reading.

"No, I do, I-" Sonic said, then taking a minute to think of what he was saying. "No, I don't!"

"So you don't care about our child and me, is that it!?" Shadow replied, on the verge of tears.

"No, I do!" Sonic said, trying not to make Shadow cry. "I DO! I DO! DON'T CRY, OKAY?!"

"...Do you mean it?" Shadow said, giving off something Sonic's never thought Shadow would do in a million years...A puppy-dog face.

Sonic sighed. "Yes, I care about the kid and you, and I love you."

Shadow squealed and gave Sonic one of those Amy-topping hugs.

"Shoot me now..." Sonic said quietly.


End file.
